#

Faces seek me out. His faces in them

I came across a beautiful her but with his face

I have his face too

So I am her as well then

My face, eyes, body transform into ancestor’s desires.

I am him desiring himself in the faces of the living.

#

A dead that gave himself the power to be reborn by his enormous willpower

Out of the bodiless lingering ghost came a shadow in her face .

A recognisable shade of a face long gone …

Ancestor…. His eyes, his face. I kissed him-her

”You are dead my love , you are dead my love”.

Our bodies merged into a deadly living presence.

#

Chest opens wide and waves of desire shoot at my body

Body’s collapsing

Mind’s collapsing

Under such heavy attack

The gates to everywhere open up

But I collapse

The dead within urges forward

”Let’s go, let’s go!”

But my body swells

I can’t breath!

Who do you desire?

My chest explodes again.

I’m not, not any more

Desire: the resurrected desire of the ancestors

Body collapses when they desire

Mind collapses when they desire

Am I more me now ?

Am I less me now?

Your presence dissolves in my veins

My veins burst with your flesh

My flesh disperses like stars

To contain you in its heart

You hide behind the stars

And I am to find you now

My flesh, my heart seek you

In the spot lights

My flesh trembles

And heats up cause I can’t see you

in the sky

Come back and pierce

My mind

I want to be a nest

For your mind and heart

And touch your body every night

I want to die from fear

Seeing your face

And resurrect when you look back

And loose my brain and loose my heart

Dissolve in the night sky

Like the rare lights

I am a dot on your dark body

A bright freckle that warms

Your arm

My love is death for my mind

But I want to die in my eyes

I choose to die in your arms

Languages and cultures slither towards me from either side of a long wooden table I’m sitting at.

The familiarity of the slow and the foreign rocks me to the rhythm of an emptying glass of wine. Dialogues, contents of which I am not interested in nor crave to know any more. The silence here recalls dronescape of train stations or arid lands.

She dwells in the centre, panopticum, all seeing eye. A question slowly leaks from a drunken cloud of a black, silky fur of her mind: ” Does the world go around or do I walk in circles?” She watches : spacious, tall insides of this alien place, glass fortress of straight sex, business, and expensive diners.

Do I care?

Well I did have expectations, I fantasised, but the smooth usual revealed the common truth :

no wish of mine would be granted in this land of foreign possibilities, though local nightmares can come true.

Seeing familiar faces makes her anxious.

Handsome men of no interest to her, she’s sexist. How come she is?

……right right, and… did you track down….lost in the…..

Men met and talked to not much apart from the usual greetings and glass walls.

Be it.

Handsomeness of men in their forties enjoyed but women’s preferred. Really.

The slickness of these smooth lives does not arouse. Bodies confident and forward moving,

it all seems action not a furtive doubt.

Glass stays firm above her, straight as the air of the compound, straight, translucent, goal oriented.

Dialogues pop out instantly like babies. Perfect place for self reflection.

So be it

when you begin to hate your eyes start to shine

irresistibly

your gentleness then ignites like a fiery sun

I could kiss your arm for such a glistening shine

when your heart collides with your paternal mind

violence of desert sun over golden land arises

steadily

by night we drink and you relax

by day your ancestors come back your whole village comes back your whole country comes back

and like grains of sand you withdraw windblown

your love consumes like a burning thirst

golden ashes left behind

folds in which I touched your eyes, your feet

your lips so full and trembling

now howl rancorous blows

I know you can strike me

but that’s the price of loving you:

the tiniest, darkest injections of your conflicted mind

your sultry land.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

silence walked through left marks Something happened When zero loses its circumference It happens

Waving silently in nothingness Waving My mind is waving in the silent air All is seen all is seeing

Silent calm when rapture is gone

no stop

no movement

waving silence

when all is silence silent gods look Look through Heart is thinking and seeing through too

Eyes opened closed No need for the eyes when the heart sees

no stop

no movement

waving silence

sound in zero sound in silent zero An eyesight of sound in silent zero I can see through my

closed eyes

All shines shiny silent silver zero I open my heart

no stop

no movement

waving silence

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The touch of her skin in her darkness

rubs smoothly against my palm

right hand slips under her back to hold her

tighter

left hand flows slowly along her spine

up confidently

it meanders among the signs and signals

attentive

moves in circles, half-circles

diagonal lines, broken lines

it smooths forward

somehow

exquisiteness of her skin triggers

movement

her left leg cast over my right tight

suddenly devoted to

pleasure

benevolent Kali I should transform into

but I don’t

left hand aborts its corrupted way up and reverses towards the hanging

bridge built over my tight

Her leg, herself, so eager to

manifest

she says she wants to possess

I say prolong

amputated like half of a semi-detached house

lobotomised adult

the chosen victim

or the altar of survival

at any cost

it chiseled hollow figures of unprecedented

It flattened out the twinned beauty and harmony

the safest place

the genocide over and over

human animal exists as

a living Memorial to Genocide

hatred

void

love

traces of the past

trailing

make-up flakes off dead souls

faces of a temporary grip on

vulnerability of self

presence of the present moment

liberated presence

space, spaciousness

I

I

hovering

direct experience

luck, good luck

lack of past a good lack

stable now

uncontainable mind recognition

brain based

wired crosswired rewired

undernourished

overstrained

I need to be strained

undeniable presence